People don't like conflict

It seems we have a choice - to quarrel with one another to get what we want and damage the relationship or to avoid the conversation but not get what we want, and thereby protect the relationship.

It's a dilemma - which one
do you choose?

What's needed is a method to minimise confrontation, resolve issues and improve relationships. It's the reason we built a range of simple negotiation techniques and practical methods. But before we delve into that, let's understand a little more about why conflict occurs.

Ever seen a Shishi Odoshi?

It's a "deer scarer", a traditional
Japanese water device used in rice fields to scare away deer. It works like this. Water from a feeding spout flows into a hollow bamboo tube, which pivots on a supporting post. When filled, the tube tips forward to release the water, before dropping back onto a sounding stone, making a "clack" sound. The noise scares deer and other animals that might graze on the rice crops.

I wonder if confrontation transforms us into Obake ("people scarers")? Imagine you are that bamboo tube, looking optimistically towards the sky. Now picture someone pouring cold water on your plans or personal values. Over time, you get such a bucketing that, much like that bamboo tube, you eventually tip over and lose it... which would explain the loud "clack" noise!

Why do we clack?

The trouble begins when one person clacks. This may show as a fear of inadequacy to manage the process - literally feeling unable to manage oneself or the other person through the process of the discussion. Or it may show as a fear of loss about the potential outcome - literally feeling unable to achieve a satisfactory result. In both cases the source springs from the same well - all conflict is based on fear.

Is this personal warfare really necessary?

Sadly, for many people, it spills into their daily lives with disastrous consequences. Yet others learn how to manage their behaviours more appropriately in the time between experiencing a feeling and exhibiting a behaviour. This critical interpersonal skill - a matter of knowledge and application - means fighting with others is a choice, it is not inevitable. All we need is...

A process to manage conflict

You'll find conflict more effective when using our simple negotiation method, the 5 Point Method. Applying a practical process (how we discuss issues) to the content (what we discuss) fundamentally changes the nature of discussions from adversarial to collaborative and significantly reduces discord. The 5 Point Method quickly defines one another's wants and needs, encouraging the creation of Possabilities® to satisfy our needs. Conversations Without Conflict shows people how to vigorously engage in discussion and "play the ball, not the man".

A process to manage conflict

You'll find conflict more effective when using our simple negotiation method, the 5 Point Method. Applying a practical process (how we discuss issues) to the content (what we discuss) fundamentally changes the nature of discussions from adversarial to collaborative and significantly reduces discord. The 5 Point Method quickly defines one another's wants and needs, encouraging the creation of Possabilities® to satisfy our needs. Conversations Without Conflict shows people how to vigorously engage in discussion and "play the ball, not the man".

In addition to the ideas on our website, we offer Negotiation Seminars and a range of services for people seeking better ways of negotiating. Meanwhile at our new website, Negotiation Beyond Conflict we can show you even more about these practical skills. Come and see us.